At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
