i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
