So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
