why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
