Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
