she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
