Nicole vs. Life
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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