you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
