Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
