alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
