it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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