she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
