He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
