my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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