hotel room ftw
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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