we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
