my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
