We're facebook friends in real life
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
