i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
