So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
