i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
