The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
All I want is dick and wine.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
