I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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