I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
