What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize