just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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