In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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