this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am available for nakedness
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
