what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
