You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
