I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
