my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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