Will you blow on my dice?
Just cropdusted the office
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
