We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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