Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
