good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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