I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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