He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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