...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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