i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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