Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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