In the future we'll all be gay
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
