So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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