i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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