Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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