xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
