i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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