U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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