Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
