remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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