My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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