I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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