If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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