I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
