you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
