There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Panties = found
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
