your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
