Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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