Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
