Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
