i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
