God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
