she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
