It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i came on her dog
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
