Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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