you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
