she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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