my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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