I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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