guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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