im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
