allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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